WHEN WORDS SPEAK LOUDER

One, two blinks, and then [...]

2011-12-04T17:38:00.000-08:00

Been a long time since I last wrote it, and everything has changed, I don't know how to even log in to this site anymore. Why do you have to integrate everything with google account? Then I have to have separate google account everytime I use different email address like this blog *first world problem*.

Ehem, anyway, in a blink of an eye, here I am finishing my degree. I'm going to miss college a lot, at the same time, really looking forward to enter the working world. Yet it scares me a lot too. I can't say I'm proud of where I stand now; of what I have accomplished. Looking back, I was always sure I'm going to grow up doing something I really love.. by this time I thought I would have gone somewhere far.

Sometimes the regrets are overwhelming,sometimes, the sleepless nights are haunting, and other times, the taste of bad memories are still lingering.

But at the same time I am grateful, the journey has been blessed with people, experience and things that have made me who I am today. I got to learn a little bit more about myself; I'm a little bit selfish, corrupted with pride, and imprisoned by my own negative thoughts.

Yet, I am willing to learn, and I am capable when I am willing, and powerful when surrounded by people that I love. I learn that I got to be persistence at times.. and I learn that I've got so much to learn about. This is the thought that gets me by, gets my stomach flip in excitement instead of anxiety.

I guess we all have our own imperfection, and being the perfectionist I am, here I stood today; learning to forgive my imperfections.

Weight , What?

2011-03-09T01:30:00.001-08:00

images by michael seth.

"I'm on diet."

I bet you are familiar with this sentence. We, girls, have this belief that we will never be thin enough! That's right! No matter how you think how good their proportion is, girls have the tendency to "want to lose another kg".

Well, in some rare cases, there are women that have difficulties in gaining weight, and guess what is our reaction?

"Waaa, how lucky you are!" (Totally forgetting how difficult it is for them to gain weight, as much as for us to lose weight.)

But anyway, many girls are constantly on diet. Even me. I have embarked in never ending journey of weight loss (sadly). So many advices, articles, books, and diet programmes have said that "It's easy to lose weight!" But why is it so hard for some girls to actually lose weight?

Well, in my case, this is the list of why it's not easy for me:

Emotional eating. I think is not only me that have this problem. Many girls engage in this emotional eating; which is eating based on your feelings. I'm upset = I want to have sweets to "cheer me up". I'm bored = I want to chew something. I'm happy = I want to celebrate. Oh, the despair :(
Social-pressure eating. For me, saying "No" to friends are difficult. So, if my friends ask me to go to eat in restaurant, I'll go and end up eating if everybody else is eating. The challenge really comes when the restaurant is a fast food restaurant!
No time to exercise. I seem to have no time for exercise. Of course this is an excuse. I'm not a fan of sports, and I believe there are many girls like me who think exercise is very tiring! :O

How can we lose weight? There are many ways to lose weight, but this is a list of things you should take notice before you use these methods.

1. Diet Pills.

Easiest, fastest, but RISKY method of losing weight. Please note that I DO NOT encourage anyone to take diet pills. Diet pills are very, very tempting. I admit I nearly gave up and want to take diet pills, but no matter how "safe" they claim to be, NEVER buy it without researching it first. Many of diet pills are affecting your body in the long term, such as damaging your kidney. There are cases of death. And most probably, they won't last long, you'll bounce back to your original weight, maybe even more, when you stop taking them. See more on why you shouldn't buy diet pills here.

2. Skipping Meals.

This, was my diet method. It did not work for me, and I'm feeling hungry at all time, and I constantly have gastric :( Actually, our body is smarter than we think. When we skip meals and starve, our body is preserving available fats in our body and our metabolism is slowing down. If we want to lose weight, we want to make our metabolism system faster, not slower.

3.Eating at very very low calorie intake. This plan seems perfect; if you eat around 1500 calories a day, just eat 500 calories and you lose many weight. But sadly it doesn't work that way. Even wonder why some people are thin even if they eat a lot? it's because their body has adjusted to their daily calorie intake. If you cut a lot on calories, you'll lose weight fast at first, but then you'll stuck because your body has adjusted and so to lose more weight you cut down more calories. What happens if I cut down to only 100 calories per day? I don't think it's possible, but if that's the case, I'M DOOMED!!

So, that's all I know about diet that is not very effective. I tried to do no 2, and no 3. It was not successful for me.I hope I won't try no 1. at all.

All girls out there struggling for weight loss, you're not alone. Don't give up! Lose weight, not faith! :)

Start Living Passionately Today

2011-03-07T19:31:00.001-08:00

Human makes mistakes, that's our nature. I can go on and on about my lists of lessons I wish my parents taught me when I was younger, so that I would never make those mistakes I've made.

One important lesson that I could share with you is live your passion.

Discover your passion, pursue your passion, embrace your passion, and live it.

My passion was always into drawing, designing, and writing. The biggest mistake I've probably made is that I didn't pursue my passion, and for what reason? Because I didn't think I was good enough.

How stupid and naive I was. Passion is not about whether you're good or no good at it. It's because you are passionate about it, you'll become good at it. Doing things you are passionate about are fun. Working at job that have things you're passionate about is fun. You don't need to work a day any longer, you are basically having fun all the time!

So how to discover your passion?

Start today!

1. Start with exploring your interests. What are your interests? What do you like to read about? What do you browse about when you go online? What are your hobbies?

It can be anything! May it be about make up, music, fashion, computers, gadgets, books, or you might like photography, reading, drawing, talking, cooking, shopping, travelling, anything really.

2. Be curious! Try activities you never try before. Start with something you have always been wanting to do. Maybe you have always wanted to learn material arts, join a chess club on your school, learn to play a saxophone, maybe join a local volunteer work community, or even some simple activities such as socializing with different group of people that have different interest than yours. Talk to people, ask their hobbies, and express your interest to get to know their hobbies and ask them to invite you for the next activities they want to participate.

3. Some people may find their passion easily, but some others may not. It really helps if you read articles or books about finding your passion. Don't be embarrassed to seek for help. Don't jeopardize your chance to live your life passionately just to get acceptance from other insignificant people in your life. It's your life, not theirs.

That's all I can give to you about finding your passion. I want to live my life to the fullest, and I also wish other people to live their best life. One way to live your life to the extend is by doing what you are passionate about. Trust me, it feels good to be passionate about something. Search your passion today. As for me, I'm starting today :)

- Arvilla Damasyani

Little Moment of Life #1 : That Feeling When You Rush an Assignment

2010-04-26T12:09:00.000-07:00

Images taken from magnusmagnus @ Flickr

We all know the feeling of rushing an assignment (well, maybe except those who have mastered the time management and self control).

What feeling exactly? I meant the feeling of adrenaline rush, writing down jumbled ideas at one time, the frustration when we can not find the resources, working our brain off to find the correct sentences that bring impact in our work, staying awake at 4 in the morning still struggling with the assignment, and not to forget the oh-so-many temptations of copy pasting, google translating, taking a break, chatting with that guy/girl you have been flirting with, watching youtube, or even checking facebook.

I have a total of 6 assignments, 5 is due this April. In between, I got 2 class test and at least 5 presentation. Today, I will give you a tips and trick of how to do assignment -- last minute style!

Tips #1

When that first day your lecturer give you an assignment, listen to what your lecturer says. But you don't need to read that question paper -- after all, it looked easy when you glance at it. You can just read it at home. Not to mention the due date is like, a month.

leave that assignment paper!

Tips #2

When all the assignments have been given to you, you can start to do the assignment with the nearest due date. You understand the question, you found the topic....and you 're done for the day! Go celebrate with your friends!

hang out with friends!

Tips #3

You start to panic when all the assignments are piling up? No need to worry! You can start your assignment by now...BUT WAIT! you have this presentation tomorrow and quiz the day after tomorrow, maybe you need to concentrate on those two first. After that? You are to tired to do assignment.. let's just sleep first.

There will always be a time to sleep

Tips #4

Tomorrow is your first assignment submission, of course you are panicked! You are awake all night to do assignment...but of course, before you do that, you need to check your facebook first..right? Oh, and you need to eat first also! Maybe can update that blog first, or watching that new youtube subcription... Your friends are all doing it anyway. 12 hours are enough to finish one assignment. Coffee is your friend!

working you brain off

Tips #5

Turns out, you can finish within 12 hours, with sleeping, facebooking and youtube-ing in between. Maybe you did submit 4 minutes late...7:04...turns out the submission due is 7:30. You're safe!! Sure you can't feel your legs from running from your working space to printing room to working space to printing room to binding place and back to your working space. But you are too happy to care-- anyway, you can finish that game you've been playing now or even gain back your beauty sleep, either way, your choice.

relax time!

Tips #6
Repeat the cycle! You have proved that you can finish your assignment in 2 days time! Why do you need to do your assignment long time before submission? You can delay that, and do more important things right now. Like facebook-- hey, facebook is serious business, okay!

Congratulations!! You have succeed to do assignment last minute. Warning: last minute assignment can result in, but not limited to; frustration, stress, brain damage, lack of sleep, and panic.

But once you finish all your assignment, you will feel a great burden has been lifted from your shoulders...and once again: PARTY TIME!!

And so, that is, my friend: The beauty of doing assignment last minute!

Objection!

2010-04-03T06:09:00.001-07:00

I'm in the middle of playing this game, now I'm on the last chapter, so please no spoiler = )

The one thing I love from Ace Attorney series is the hilarious dialogue. this game has the funniest dialogue ever!
In my opinion though, the stories are not as interesting as the Phoenix Wright series, but the investigation part sure is interesting. I love how the logic thing works, and most importantly, I LOVE Edgey-Poo - he's sooo adorable. Though he didn't crack as much as Phoenix did, he sure is cute when he cracks.

AND, surprisingly, I've found myself liking Franziska-- which lead to another surprise-- this is the first time in (5?) years that I come to like het pariing. Oh yeah. It doesn't mean I don't like yaoi anymore, though ;p

Sadly, not a lot of Franziska x Miles fanfiction out there.. : (

and no one, I mean NO ONE, i know playing this game that I can fangirl together with. *sigh* I mean there's a lot of fangirls online, but I need to satisfy my fangirl's crave in real life also *sobs*

Red is for the blood he sheds

2010-03-20T14:21:00.001-07:00

I can't sleep.. so what did I do? I started working on my work-in-progress(es) and finished one of them. I've posted the project before .. I was testing on a new color technique. Turns out okay, but not as good as I wanted it to be. But meh-- I tried my best. It takes time to learn technique anyway. So here it goes.

I love coloring blood~ but I added to much blood in this picture it seems.. Anyway, this is the sketch version:

I'm just glad I finish this..so now I can move on to another project! Yay! : )

Done with Photoshop CS4, with the guide from the book Creative Photoshop CS4 Digital Illustration and Art Technique by Derek Lea.

Twilight Saga : From my point of view

2010-03-20T05:23:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't know about the famous "Twilight Saga"? I practically can hear the scream of the fan-girls in the background whenever I said Twilight. This post is going to be about my opinion about the Twilight Saga.

To begin with, to all twilight fans, you won't like this. Everyone has an opinion right? and here's mine.

I never read the books, so I don't want to judge.. but I just can't resist to say this:

I think it's overrated. Totally. I mean, from what I saw from the movies.

From the plot side, I have to agree that it's unique-- I mean everyone should agree that a sparkling vampire is not something we see everyday in the vampire fandom. But other than that, what can I say? Cliche. There must be at least 100 stories out there about one ordinary girl ( enter Bella) that turns out to be special (because apparently the vampires can't use their ability on her) and so she can get the main guy.. but of course he is supposed to be "our of her league" at first (Edward: he's a vampire, supposedly handsome -- though i can't agree, and he's nearly perfect).

But anyway, the plot is enjoyable -- that is if you like romance. It's like seeing a cheap romance movie, only slightly better. I especially liked the baseball moment. I enjoyed the first movie, though it's painfully predictable. Again, back to my point, nothing's wrong with the classic romance between a vampire and an ordinary girl, I just though it'd be best to just leave it in the novel form. It's really, really a bad idea to turn New Moon into a movie. I mean, whose idea is that? Whoever they are, I bet they just never see a good novel -- or they're just suck at making a good movie.

If Twilight is not bad-- then New Moon bring it down to the bad level. I don't know it's bad from the plot side, or the character side.. I especially despised Bella's character in New Moon. I know people would say that I'm just jealous because she gets to be with two (hot?) guys, but no. I just hate how she treated Jacob. I personally think Bella character is either:

a) Lack of character
b) A Mary Sue

If you are not familiar of what Mary Sue is, this is the definition: "A Mary Sue (sometimes just Sue), in literary criticism and particularly in fanfiction, is a fictional character with overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as a wish-fulfillment fantasy for the author or reader" -- wikipedia.

First of all, Bella never treated her friends as friends-- she seems indifferent to her friends, even cold and ignorant. She looks like a tough "tomboy" girl (e.g.; her choice in car, how she dress-- she even wears converse when she went to promnight) but when it comes to Edward she changes into i'm-a-maiden-in-love mode and even become all woe-is-me in New Moon. I don't know if the Author made her that way, but I know I don't like her character.

As for Edward.. I don't dislike him, but I can't say I'm a fan of him. I didn't find him sexy or handsome like his fans portrayed him. I'm not saying Robert Pattinson is ugly, I just don't find him as Edward handsome. And here I thought vampire supposed to be handsome. Oh yeah, I also hate when they say Edward is gay! They say it like gay is a bad thing .. In fact, I think Twilight Saga will be much more interesting when suddenly Edward becomes gay with Jacob, his supposedly enemy. Won't it be a good drama?

Btw, the character I like from Twilight Saga so far is Alice (of course, who doesn't like her? I think she's the most adorable character from Twilight). I like Bella's dad also, just because I pity him for having a daughter like Bella..and Jacob--again, because I pity him for what Bella did to him. This is basically a summary of what happened in New Moon between them.

- Edward leaves Bella
- Bella ish sad : ((((
- Jacob make a move on Bella -- while Edwards is gone, this is his chance
- Bella started doing weird things just so she can hallucinate (or fantasize) about Edward
- Bella can't see the Edward ghost anymore...she ish soo sad : (((((((
- Jacob cheers her up, went to movies with her
- Bella ish happy when Jacob is around : ))) but she still cant forget Edward so she is moooooore sad : ((((((((((( but anyway movies night end in disaster
- Jacob suddenly avoiding her
- Bella ish sad..SAAAAADDDDD i tell you : ((((((((((((((( because Jacob leaves her
- Jacob is actually werewolf! Bella is suprised.. : OOOOOOOOO
- To faster things up, Jacob and Bella already so close to kissing...Bella already admit she likes Jacob.. but suddenly a phone call came
- it's from Edward : OOOOOOOO He is back!! Bella is sooo happy : DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
- And so, she leaves Jacob for Edward
- Jacob becomes sad : ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

The End

I don't know if you enjoy this kind of movie, but er--

Anyways, this is only my opinion. If you like Twilight Saga then don't flame me just because I don't like it. In fact, I'm looking forward to see Eclipse.. I hope things are better.
Maybe the novels are nice, but they are not nice enough to be a movie that sells. Thanks to the fangirls that Twilight becomes so famous. Now, if Twilight becomes a comic, then maybe..*shrugs*

That's it for today.

Black or White

2010-02-21T10:57:00.000-08:00

I must admit that it is really a tricky question, though not entirely a sticky situation when I have to decide between black or white. This black or white mind set has truly limit us more than we notice. If it's not a yes, then it's a no. If it's not good, then it is bad. If it's not black, it is not white. Such clear lines set them apart-- there is no in between, there is no gray. It's an absoluteness, with no other options. Can you imagine a world where we can only choose between black or white, or yes or no? If you don't love him, then you must hate him. If you are not rich, then you must be poor. If you are not this, then you must be that-- enough of this, this limiting mindset. Why can't we see the gray areas in between?

And now I'm torn between a yet black and white question of "why this is or is not so". Actually, it's my assignment question. Now, that's what I called a sticky situation.

Or I'm just procrastinating.

Edit: Still stuck with the assignment question, however, not without a new development
Just to make clear, the assignment question was whether the theory of 'structure follows strategy' can be used as an effective strategy, and thus this is where the 'why this is, or is not so' came up.

And I just noticed that, sure, structure must follow strategy, but strategy can not be created without existing structure. Basically, the question is not just a black and white question, but it is also a chicken and egg question.

You know, the chicken and egg question; "Which one come first? Egg or Chicken?" Without chicken, there can not be egg, but without egg there can not be chicken.

What a confusing world we live in.

As for me, what a confusing assignment question I got.

Maybe, Possibly

2010-01-19T21:52:00.000-08:00

images by Denis Collete @ Flickr

If everything happens for a reason, then there must be a reason why we are breathing right now, living our lives. Have you found your purpose in life? Or are you lost like a dust in the wind?

Maybe there was a reason after all, that this certain book come into my hands. Nathalia Sunaidi has successfully provoking her readers to think of who they really are, who they were, in their past lives, with her controversial book, "Journey to My Past Lives".

Some people believe in reincarnation, some don't. Some wanted to believe, but logic doesn't allow them. Some people are like me, I do-- I want to believe in reincarnation, but my religion contradicts that, or so according to my understanding.

But reading this book, it's taking my understanding of reincarnation to a whole new level. Everything happens for a reason. A fortune or a misfortune you find in this life might be caused by something you have done in your past lives. Isn't it a little bit unfair? How can someone be rewarded or punished by something he/she doesn't even remember?

But the souls remember, they do remember. Have you ever meet someone and felt you already knew them since a long time ago? Maybe you did meet them, in your past lives. Have you meet your soulmate in this life? Could it be that you have been together for several different lives?
Have you ever thought why are you friends with your friends? Why are you a daughter or a son to your parents? Could it be you chose them by yourself, because they played a significant role in your past lives before?

And maybe, just maybe, there is a lesson in this life you failed to learn in your past lives before, and it's re-occuring in your current life, and will always be in your future life until you are able to figure out what the lesson is about. It could be about forgiving, about understanding, about caring, or anything. The clues are around you, you just have to start noticing.

I had a hearing problem, my left ear couldn't hear as good as my right. I had to hear twice carefully than before. Or maybe it's a clue for me to listen more. I've gotten much more quiet than I was before. I kinda like it, because that way, I can listen more.

"You're given one mouth and two ears because listening is more difficult than talking"

Eternal Rest

2009-12-31T04:57:00.000-08:00

"Vi, the rev passed away?"

It was tuesday evening when I received such message from hani. I was practically in agape. 'No, it couldn't be', I thought as I type the rev's name in google, 'it must be another cheap rumor'. But the first result of the search was heart breaking. Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan is found dead in his house due to natural causes. It was true after all, The Rev is no longer in this world.

I was in total shock. Of course, like every other fans of his, I didn't want to believe that he's gone. He was so young, so talented, and he had such a compromising future. He passed away, leaving his wife, his Avenged Sevenfold brothers, and loyal fans. He was one of the best drummers, I believe Avenged Sevenfold will never be the same without him around.

I didn't remember how I become to like The Rev. The only thing I remember is I really, really like him that I named my last laptop with his name (Jimmy). When I first listen their music, I adored Zacky, and slowly I become more interested in The Rev than the mentioned guitarist. Many people love The Rev because they were inspired by the way he played the drums, and drummers looked up to him their role model. Even I myself is not a drummer, I can understand why he is an inspiration to other drummers. Not only he is a great drummer, he is a great song writer too. I especially adore the song 'A Little Piece of Heaven', which he wrote and took vocal in.

I know we should be happy now that he is in a better place, but then why am I so sad? I wish I had met him face to face before. I'm grateful though that I've been to their concert. Now I just can wish that he'll find peace in his little piece of heaven. Goodbye Jimmy, you will be missed. You will be alive as long as your music is heard.

My (kind of) Holiday

2009-12-22T14:57:00.000-08:00

Okay, remember about my plan for going to de-clutter my life? I'd say, the heck with it. I'm going to de-clutter my life with no planning. I'll just go with the flow. Now, that sounds like a good plan.

So, what I ACTUALLY do on my holiday is this: downloading e-books and read them like crazy. Basically, I download anything that catches my interest; from cut your hair at home like pro, to mastering photoshop CS4 kind of book. Random, I know, but one can't have enough craving for knowledge, can one? So I learned a new coloring technique from one of the e-books, and decided to try it. Again, it is only a work in progress (WIP) it looks pretty much..crappy. Oh, maybe it's just the anatomy. Please ignore the anatomy. Pretty please? There we go;

Just for information, in case someone wondered who's this creepy-white-haired-but-tanned-man-wearing-a-very-disturbing-unmatched-red-robe-and-blue-skirt-wait-what-skirt-holy-crap, he is Thief King Bakura, from Yu-Gi-Oh, and he is supposed to be sexy, which I clearly fail to portray in the picture. But whatever. Who cares?

Another activity I've been doing is watching movies. Oh yes movies, what else is better than sitting in a couch watching a good movie with a popcorn? I've been watching a series called The Big Bang Theory, and it is a very entertaining series regarding every day life of genius scientists. Sounds boring? You just gotta watch it for yourself to understand. On another note, the most anticipated movie of the year is out: AVATAR. I watched it, and it's beyond words. I won't go into any spoiler but it is worth it to watch it in cinema.

And I'll just stop here before I'll go talking about year end sale. It's a YEAR END SALE! can we hear a YES coming knocking on the door? But in my sadly turn of unfortunate events, I need to pay for the college fees, so....bye bye year end sale. /sob.

Of Plans and Changes

2009-12-02T13:11:00.000-08:00

Finally, I finished my exams! The exams were okay --- I guess, but I won't be talking about exams. I've been hooked to The Sims 3 World Adventures lately, but again, I won't be talking about The Sims 3 ...yet.

This holiday I didn't come back to my country, instead I had plans I've been planning to do for this holiday. I changed my mind a lot, but there was one consistent thing I wanted to do; I want to de-clutter my life.

My whole life was messy, though not as messy as the drama life you've seen in your typical drama show. So now that it's time to put things in order, it's more like de-cluttering in the sense of 'straightening' my path to the path leading to where I want to be. In the last 1 and half year, instead of sitting in the driver seat and take control of my life, I've been sitting in the passenger seat and just ride to whichever way the flow taking me. I change, I know change doesn't always mean bad, but it's not the kind of change I want to have.

Of all the things that changed, the most noticeable is how I spend my time on the internet. I still went online, sure, but I didn't do any stuff I used to do when I went online before. I used to be more productive, damn it. Writing blog, socializing, posting art, chatting, reading online stories, catching up with old friends, et cetera et cetera. Now, what do I do when I go online: yep, you guess it, FACEBOOK.

So back to my plan, I plan to find my goals in my life during this holiday. I didn't do it until today, the second week of my holiday, I run out of things to do and decide to read a book, that's when I found note book from Spiritual-Life Skill course I took last year during my holiday. I completely forgot about that book, so I decided to read that book. Then I found the answer of how to change my life back:

It starts from within myself.

How simple it was. But can I really change my life? In that book, there were little brown papers that have my writing. One of it reads,

" People have ALL they need to act effectively, or to CHANGE "

The moment I read that, I delete all negative thoughts and regrets I had. The 'if only's and 'I wish they's are all discarded. If I want change, I have to start from myself. I will start slowly and gradually, because it is the way to make it long lasting.

Oh, and another note, I found the best remedy to procrastination. JUST ~~writedamnit~~ GO THROUGH IT. Seriously.

You know, I've been very lazy to do a certain task, and I do mean VERY LAZY. But I decide that I can not run forever, and so I forced myself to sit straight and face that certain task. In the end? It wasn't that difficult. It was just difficult to start : )

For closing statement, don't forget that "change will come" ( Coffees for Closers, Fall Out Boy.)

Passion

2009-11-05T04:15:00.000-08:00

I had a dream about a lot, lot of dogs. So out of curiosity, I tried to find my dream meaning from dream moods, and here's what I found:

"To see a dog in your dream, symbolizes intuition, loyalty, generosity, protection, and fidelity. The dream suggests that your strong values and good intentions will enable you to go forward in the world and bring you success. Alternatively, it indicates a skill that you have ignored or forgotten. If the dog is vicious and/or growling, then it signifies some inner conflict within yourself."

After seeing this, I remember how much skill I neglected instead of improved. Before, I used to love drawings and writings. I love designing website, and I love writing blogs. Not to mention, I used to draw as a channel for my feelings.

I really wish I didn't quit drawing. Whose stupid perception was it that drawings will not get us a decent job? What a shallow thinking that drawings will not lead us to good money. There is a quote saying, "Follow your passion, Money will follow", and how true it is.

Like I mentioned before, I'm back at my starting point. I could barely draw a head, let alone a full anatomically correct body. See my wonderful 'progression'; it is stuck at the level 'doodling'.

....WHAT IS THIS CRAP??

Anyhow, I wanted to go back at drawings, but there is no one around me (that I know) that has a passion in drawings the same way I do. I feel less challenged, and no motivation whatsoever to draw again.

ARRRGHH. I know I should've taken media...but I hate coding with passion. But anyway, phycology is my second choice, and Human Resources comes next, so I guess it's okay.

Bonus:

What a coincidence, I was just going to end my post when suddenly Hiro in the heroes series (my bf is watching it the moment I write this post), said something like this,

"Find a job that you love, something that doesn't feel like work."

Ordinary day

2009-11-04T10:56:00.000-08:00

Today I overslept and end up skipping the first class. Not something unusual, knowing it is me. My attendance are barely above 80%, but no change whatsoever to my habit of skipping classes when I feel sleepy. I got the dockets anyway. Why worry then?

It rains a lot lately. When I was in my way to campus it started to rain. Such a nice weather to sleep. I love rain, with a cup of hot tea and a plate of banana fritters... mmmmmmmmm.

In the class? 20% paid attention to the lecturer, 80% spacing out/talking to friend. We were laughing a lot at Vinitha's photo, where her expression looks like what a prime minister would have when his picture is taken. We've been calling her 'prime minister' over and over again until she becomes mad and left us behind.

and there she goes.

Spent my night watching The Ugly Truth with Paulus while eating Tao Kae Noi, my favorite snack. It was a nice movie, Gerard Butler is soooo dreamy.

After that, we went to eat dinner at Longkang, and that's all for today. Not to mention facebooking like crazy though.

Back with Unfinished Work

2009-09-13T13:02:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I've updated this blog. I kinda miss writing blog post and giving each of them a careful thought, and how each blog post has a hidden meaning only me can understand -- but of course with a little bit drama. Everyone loves a little drama ; )

Anyway, I have this project that since this posting is posted, I haven't been able to finish it. Lazy? Maybe. I know you might think I'm just being lazy but I really want to finish it..

but it's not that easy, since I don't have that much lazy times nowadays and I couldn't colour eyes properly.. I think it's because of the bad anatomy of the characters since this is an

old sketch.

But guess what? My drawing sucks now. I really mean it. I just can draw the basic things...but anatomy and pose? I'm back at my starting point, really.

For anyone who doesn't notice, it's from the series kingdom hearts II : )

Who else love this game? I sure do. ROXAS! 8D

That Green Gentleman

2008-10-23T22:06:00.000-07:00

That Green Gentleman

Panic At the Disco

Things are shaping up to be pretty odd

Little deaths in musical beds

So it seems I'm someone I've never met

You will only hear these elegant crimes

Fall on your ears from criminal dimes

They spill unfound from a pretty mouth

And everybody gets there, everybody gets there

And everybody gets their way

I never said I missed her when everybody kissed her

Now I'm the only one to blame

Things have changed for me, and that's okay

I feel the same, I'm on my way, and I say

Things have changed for me, and that's okay

I want to go where everyone goes

I want to know what everyone knows

I want to go where everyone feels the same

I never said I'd leave the city

I never said I'd leave this town

A falling out we won't tiptoe about

When everybody gets there, everybody gets there

And everybody gets their way

I never said I missed her when everybody kissed her

Now I'm the only one to blame

Things have changed for me, and that's okay

I feel the same, I'm on my way, and I say

Things have changed for me, and that's okay

I feel the same, and I say

Things have changed for me, and that's okay

(Well, things have changed for me

Come on every body, let's dance and sing)

I feel the same, and I say

(I'm singing it all night long

So come on everybody and join the party)

Things have changed for me, and that's okay

(Well, things have changed for me

Come on everyone, let's dance and sing)

I feel the same, and I say

(I'm singing it all night long

So come on everybody and sing along)

Things have changed for me, and that's okay

I'm on my way, and I say

Things have changed for me

Fix It All

2008-07-16T11:59:00.001-07:00

image by biewoef

I remembered I always tried to make people laugh

I've always loved to make my friends laugh with me

I used to be the center of attention

And laughters and joys are all around me

But now how come,

being myself made the world turned its back on me?

As a matter of fact, if I would really squint on,

Maybe it is me who had turned my back on the world

All I wanted was to take a little rest,

to be a little out for a moment just to fix it all

but the more I idle, the more things I need to fix

Now I have to face them

To face the truth, my fear, and the real world

Where even a best friend would detest you.

So people do change,

They do come into your life, and leave you behind

But if they were going to leave me,

Maybe they were not destined to take part in my future.

I dare you to watch me,

The world is changing on me,

but that's okay- I'm on my way

Watch me fix it all

Because sometimes changes don't always mean a bad thing.

Coincidence and Perfection

2008-06-22T23:48:00.000-07:00

image by befresh

Suddenly, it's not so coincidentally-

Every second counts,

Every thought matters,

Leading to where I am now.

To the empty room,

With fading cars' sounds,

Waiting silently.

Waiting him to come,

To come back home to,

Where he belongs,

Where we belong.

To be with each other.

Perfection.

Becoming Real

2008-05-13T12:18:00.000-07:00

image by solorya

It really takes him a smile,

and he's all in my dreams once again,

But this time,

He's no longer a mere dream.

When it finally comes to an end,

The hoping and the crashing,

The hurting and the waiting,

I was so jaded with the dark night sky,

Now I can finally see

How stunning the light blue sky,

With a gentle morning breeze is.

That was when I thought that,

Nights got the most beautiful scenery.

I guess I was wrong.

But I do mistakes, once, twice,

And I was sure that,

Loving you wasn't a mistake.

I was so afraid of the awkward morning after,

But when the sun comes up,

And sun rays goes through the curtain-less windows

Make ups and kisses are all that I find,

All I feel is to love

and to be loved.

Don't you dream about me,

Because this time I'll become your reality.

Don't Hold Your Breath

2008-04-17T16:55:00.000-07:00

image by simplenut

When there was jealousy and desperation,

in the air I breathe,

It's because I breathe you like you were my oxygen,

Suffocating, struggling,

You were so breathtaking-

But I thought if one day,

You could be the air around me,

then I don't mind being a little breathless.

I have always been so sure that without you,

the world will turn airless for me.

But now I can find myself breathing the scent of green leaves,

Standing tall and taking in,

Of the air that wasn't you anymore

You aren't so breath-taking, even from the beginning,

I was just holding my breath.

Walking The Town

2008-04-04T01:51:00.000-07:00

It doesn’t mean a thing, after all.

Every single thing he said, every little things he did,

Because I’m nothing so good, nothing so special in his eyes.

Once he told me,

“I’ll take you around the town when the time is right.”

But I knew everything is wrong when it comes to us.

Walking around the town wasn’t something so entertaining before,

And when did singing to a musical music become something so fun?

Still, she gets them all.

Oh how she gets them all, and all I have is a lousy jealousy.

She left me here, contemplating and regretting everything for what I can’t get,

She gets the singing and the whistling, I get a cold mattress.

She gets to see the parade in the town, while I get a lonely ride back home.

She gets the sharing stories nights, and I get my pillow to share my tears

She gets to be with him, so I get to bear the sight of her being with him.

With Closed Eyes

2008-04-02T08:02:00.000-07:00

image by theperspective

Sleepless nights and heartaches,

Are all that you’ll ever be

I’ll just close my eyes

And you’ll be there, smiling,

While I’ll be unblinking, mesmerizing.

The illusion was more than enough,

But when it comes to you,

I can’t get enough.

And all I want to do is to make it all worthwhile,

Your warm hands against mine cold ones

And we’ll laugh, we’ll cry, we’ll sing again,

Just that time, I guess it was okay

And it didn’t matter if you didn’t really mean to.

But your hand wasn’t mine to hold,

When it’s 5 in the morning,

Even with closed eyes still,

You were not there.

Eventually, surely,

I couldn’t remember the feeling of your fingers intertwined with mines

I’ll found myself in my pillow that barely smells like you anymore.

Letting Go

2008-03-23T11:31:00.001-07:00

Image by Itchitaka

Sometimes you need to leave, to see who's gonna go after you.

Obviously, it's not you.

"No, It's because I feel concerned about you, that's why.."

That's why you're letting me go?

"For your own sake."

Then it was nothing, next, it was a sound of shutting door.

But you know the hardest part is to let go of you.

You know it's hard because, I don't want to.

Heaven Wasn't Too Far

2008-03-23T03:07:00.000-07:00

image by Miglee

So much things needed to be said,

But am I saying it too much?

Am I pushing it too far?

Do I make you mad?

Do I try too hard?

Tell me, am I going anywhere?

Am I doing it right?

To quit, is that what you need me to do?

To step back, is this a fitting gap you want?

Not to wait for you, I did it the way you like

I know I shouldn't, feel like I have a chance

When I came across your, oh-so-mind-blowing words

along with your fall-hard-for smiles,

And suddenly,

Heaven doesn't feel so far anymore.

Apology

2008-03-15T02:14:00.000-07:00

Sweat drips in my eyes (you’re everything)
Screams of lust we cry (you’re everything)
Tonight, you are everything (you’re everything)
You’re everything to me no more

As I wake
From this perfect dream
I can not stay down
Live this lie for I
Now must think only of myself

And to think that you will not be
Scared or surprised if I'd severed
All these ties (this is the end)
This is the end

I’ll lose myself in anguish
For tonight (this is the end)
Help me get over you (I feel so numb)

I feel so numb to
See this bitter end
It has come to this
One last kiss
Broken pieces will not mend
To save our past
Save our past now
(this is the end)

I’ll lose myself in anguish for tonight
Help me get over you (this is the end)
One last false apology
Help me get over you

In my mind blood drips from your eyes
A beautiful last goodbye

Bring The Pain

2008-03-12T11:05:00.000-07:00

It was just in your mind,
all the thoughts,
blinding, corrupting, destructing..
from the inside,
crept through your veins,
like a deathly venom
convulsed in your brain.

when you were sane,
it's funny how you can easily shrug those off.
but then things change,
the moment you began to notice
things you haven't noticed before,
and you shouldn't have.

the way he brushed his hair with his slender fingers,
the way his lips curved into a smile,
the way he made you laugh, laugh, laugh
the way he inhaled the air around him,
and oh, how can you miss,
the way he looked at her, her, and just, only her.

still, you looked so alive,
with all the stabs and the hurting,
you still had those fake smile,
and fake "it's fine" words,
with a daring black eyes,
that screamed,
"bring the pain",

how can I even dare myself to look at you?
looking back at me, with those same stare,
tired eyes, faded smile, so painfully alive,
but there, still hanging on,
another part of me.

The Important Rule Of Having Fun

2008-03-08T11:10:00.000-08:00

When she whines, whines,
and complains just how
God nor life is fair,
She just doesn't know how to have fun.

Oh, how she didn't know how to have fun (without a companionship).

Been forever,
and never have been better,
the way night pass with laughter,
when they don't even need the lighter,
in the caffeine shop, sitting in a corner,
and heartbreaks don't as much matter.

this is the thing she will not let it break and shatter,
the thing they shared, the thing they had, all of them,
all the greatest, the loveliest, the best.
best friends.

this is all for you,
you know who you are,
thank you for the precious moments.
xoxo.
V.

Take me seriously

2008-02-28T11:10:00.000-08:00

oh, you find this funny, don't you ?

It's my poisonous disease kicking in,
I needed my medication,
but It got me addicted and now,
I'm drowning in my own piles of aspirins.

the pills, they didn't ease the heartache away
the cuts, they weren't as deep as the cuts in the heart
the voices, they didn't turn the echoes in my head into silence
the alcohols, they didn't show the hallucination I want to see
the cigarettes and the bullets,
they're so going to be my place to come back to.

Use me, abuse me, break me, smother me.
Then you'll say you idolize me, adore me, love me, and
Take me seriously,
And how I hope to God, you really meant it.

Everything, or nothing at all.
It doesn't matter.
Not anymore.
And definitely not you.

I always thought I knew the game that I was playing,
but I'm losing the game.
You're going to be the last one, the last one,
the last time.
The next time I'm going to do this,
I'll make damn sure we're playing my game.

Heartbreak-proof

2008-02-27T01:27:00.000-08:00

I thought all this time,

no matter what I say or do,

the message isn't getting through.

But I was wrong.

You got the message,

Only you weren't giving any feedback.

No, not responding is YOUR feedback.

So then, I have to let go of you.

After all this time I held you in my heart,

because I couldn't hold you in my arms.

But now, I'm no longer holding on.

I wish you would have said that you needed me to stay

I should have known you didn't need me to

But still, I wanted to.

It's frustrating, how

you always acted like you've never been through this before

I always thought we could be so much more

I think I got the wrong idea

And I hope I was

Heartbreak-proof.

First Post, So?

2008-02-25T02:53:00.000-08:00

First post, biasanya introductory post..
Harusnya sih nulis,
"Hai, gw viya. umur 17. mahasiswi. single, malah double!"
Tapi kali ini gw mau straight to the point aja deh.
Ok, ini blog gw ke 128984924 juta.
Biasanya sih gw cuma semangat awalnya doank kalo mau bikin blog.
Tapi kali ini....

....kayaknya bakal sama aja.

Khusus blog ini..
mungkin bakal gw isi klo gw pengen aja..
dan mungkin bakal cuma di isi uneg2 gw aja.
yang kemungkinan besar cuma gw yang ngerti.
tapi yaudala yaa..
namanya juga blog gw..
gw bikin untuk kesenangan sndiri : )

So, welcome anyway.